people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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