I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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