You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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