Small penises have feelings too.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
