He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
