I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
two words: eviction party
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
