I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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