Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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