see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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