before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
