Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
