So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
God, I missed his penis.
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