know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
