Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
