So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
