i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
