hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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