I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
