I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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