then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
