he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
