Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
