her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
