you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
