I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
