Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
