Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
