Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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