I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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