i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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