Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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