All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
