HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
