I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
