I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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