So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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