i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
