Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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