Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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