a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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