Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
