i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
