He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
