I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we made out on top of his cat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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