Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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