Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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