i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
