Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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