Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
