I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
