You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
