Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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