The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
