evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
